


Completely, and Absolutely

by iwillpaintasongforlou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 16 y/o Harry, 18 y/o Louis, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, The X Factor Era, baby boyfriends, clean as a whistle except for language, nothing too triggery though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 02:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2212686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwillpaintasongforlou/pseuds/iwillpaintasongforlou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is so completely and absolutely NOT gay that the fact that anyone thinks Harry is his soulmate is just being ridiculous. Including himself. He just thinks they're mates that are two parts of the same soul, and that's not weird at all. Okay?</p><p>Or, the one in which Louis spends the entirety of X Factor so deep in denial that he doesn't realize he's gay until he's already 3000% gone for the dimpled mess in his arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Completely, and Absolutely

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meggiewrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meggiewrites/gifts).



> For Meggie, whose silly little self came to me on anon to request this, like I wouldn't write her anything that her heart desires anyways. You're so ridiculous. I love you so much. xoxo

Louis has spent 18 very long years on this planet amassing lots of wisdom, and in his experience, sometimes the best and most exciting things that will ever happen to you are the ones that you never expect. Just like when he decided to audition for the X Factor, he never dreamed that he would get through, let alone that he would be put into a band. He never dreamed that he would meet his four best friends, or that they would become that in such a short period of time. He never dreamed he would be put on this path barreling towards his future in a direction that he had never could have imagined. 

He certainly didn't expect that his best friend on this new journey would be a green-eyed, curly-haired boy that he'd only just met, but then again, it wasn't really anything that he had control over. It just sort of happened.

Harry was special. He was only 16, but when Louis looked at him he didn't see a child. He could be child _ like _ sometimes, in the way that his face would light up in a dimpled smile or giggle would escape his mouth, or he would forget to try to be cool and wind up showing everyone his boundless enthusiasm for life. There was this light inside of him that couldn't be hidden, a joy for who he was and where he was going that acted like a beacon in a lighthouse guiding everyone around him to seek out that same joy.

In short, Harry Styles was magnetic and Louis Tomlinson was helpless to resist.

They were instant best friends, and the more time that they spent together, the closer they became. All five of them did, really, but with Harry it was different. Louis couldn't help but pay special attention to Harry, and from what he could tell, it was mutual. Every passing day made for a bond that was a little bit stronger, and a band that was a little bit more destined to rule the world.

“How could we be anything but the world's greatest boy band, when we've got a cute little lad like this among us?” Louie declared boldly one night at the bungalow, a beer in one hand and the other gripping Harry's shoulder to pull him close for a hug. “He’s the money maker. No one will be able to resist him.”

“Hey, I'm cute,” Niall protested, but Louis wasn't listening. Harry was quite tipsy and ranting about something that probably wasn't important, and Louis was occupied hanging off of his every word.

He knew he was right though, about Harry being the key to their future success. He was just  _ cute. _ More than cute, he was somehow hot at the same time. Girls talked on twitter all the time about how they wanted to cuddle him close, and then maybe later take off all of his clothes and have their way with him. Harry just had that sort of way about him. Not that Louis was thinking anything like that, it's just that he likes to pay attention to what the fans say.

He can kind of see where they're coming from though. One day the five of them decide to get into the pool together, because really, what better way is there to procrastinate actually taking care of business than complete idiotic fun? And they were all lads here, so if Harry felt like he wanted to do his swimming in the nude, what did it matter? And the fangirls were right, he  _ does  _ have a fit little body.

_ Really  _ fit, actually. It's kind of quirky, the way that he has four nipples, but instead of being weird, it's cute on Harry. Charming, like the rest of him. And he's got this really nice skin, all pale and smooth. His body is caught between the chubbiness of lingering baby fat and the lankiness of the start of yet another growth spurt. He'll probably be tall, because certain parts of him are tellingly disproportional, big hands and big feet and a big-

Louis shook his head and cannonballed into the deep end so that the cold water could clear his head. Hopefully none of the others had noticed him gawking at Harry's naked body. He wasn't interested in boys, like,  _ at all, _ and the last thing he needed was for his for new friends to start teasing him about that too. Back at home everyone thought it was a great laugh to make fun of him like that, and he’s sort of hoping that if he gets famous people will stop making assumptions about him.

Especially ones that are completely and absolutely not true in any way, shape, or form.

His girlfriend, Hannah, totally understands how he feels on the subject, because she's a very good girlfriend. He makes sure to bring that up a lot, because by the time they get to the X Factor house, there are enough girls flirting with them all the time that he feels like everyone needs to be reminded. He is not some teenage rockstar who's going to go around sleeping with female fans left and right. He is a very mature, very  _ taken  _ young man. It's just something that everyone should know. 

Eventually the boys start to grow weary of it. “Yes, Louis, your girlfriend makes fantastic tea. We know, we've heard you say it at least fifteen times.” Zayn doesn't mean any malice, but his voice is unmistakably bored and the groan is accompanied by a roll of his eyes.

“Sorry, sorry. I just miss her a lot.”

Harry looked at him with curious green eyes. “Do you love her?”

Louis knows exactly what he should say, but for the oddest reason, his mouth starts getting dry and he can't say a single word. He drinks his tea instead. Harry made it, and it's really quite good.

It's a little bit problematic, how close he and Harry are getting, how close they're  _ all  _ getting, because the more comfortable they are with one another, the more Louis keeps slipping up. He might call babe Zayn  _ babe, _ or Harry  _ love, _ or  _ honey, _ or  _ sweetie. _ Mostly it's Harry, which is weird. It's just that sometimes Louis gets the sensation that they’re two pieces of one soul, ripped apart from one another and stuck in two separate bodies. Not in like a gay way or anything, they're just really similar. Of course he's using pet names. It's only natural, right?

People start to notice, and Louis starts to desperately wish he was able to stop with these little bursts of affection for the lad. Just because  _ he  _ knew it was innocent didn't mean the world knew that, and if he wasn't careful, people were going to start getting the wrong impression.

And Harry really wasn't helping anything, because he kept looking at Louis like the stars in the sky had been hung by Louis himself, just for him. Every time Louis looked at him or walked into a room or said his name, that adorable dimpled smile would come into play and he would look for all the world like some dumb, lovesick puppy. And of course Louis have to grin back, because a greeting like that was too cute to ignore. He never minded locking eyes with Harry and them smiling at each other like that, because in those seconds all the pressure of becoming pop stars would melt away and it was just the two of them, being best friends or mates with the same soul or whatever they were.

It was only later when he would play back the videos and look at the way he would watch his bandmate with eyes that were potentially loaded with fucking glitter, if the way that they sparkled was any indication, that he started to think that maybe this was unhealthy. The uninformed public was going to read this the entirely wrong way, and people were proving to be no different now that he was a pop star in the making than they were back home. People were starting to get ideas, and they just didn't  _ understand. _

They keep getting put through to the next round, and everything keeps getting even more surreal, and eventually Louis feels so out of touch with everything he knows to be true that he thinks like he might float away if he doesn't get a dose of reality. One text to Stan, his best friend from back home, and he's sitting in front of a laptop on a secret Skype call with the one lad who has always understood Louis throughout the years.

“Stan, mate, you have no idea how glad I am to see your stupid face,” Louis exhaled in relief as soon as the call connected. “It's been ages, yeah?”

“Too long, definitely. Everything going okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I mean you’ve seen the show. People love us. The crowds outside of the studio are getting ridiculous. We actually have  _ fans. _ They're calling themselves ‘Directioners.’”

Stan snorts. “Seriously? That’s a bit simple, but I guess there's not really anything better that you can do with a band name like One Direction. Who came up with that, anyways?”

Louis feels his face flush a little in irritation- probably just because he rather likes that band name, thank you very much. But he's still too glad to see his old mate to get into a fight about something this petty. “What about you?” he smoothly redirects. “What's going on back home?”

“The same shit that always goes on at home. Let's be real, Louis, I'm not the one who has interesting news to share. You're the one that's a bloody celebrity, you have to provide all the stories.”

Now  _ that  _ makes Louis grin. “Well I wouldn't say I'm a celebrity  _ just  _ yet…”

“Bullocks. Come on, out with it. Throw me a bone. Are there any cute birds on the show? Any dancers or techies we don't get to see? Anyone especially fit?”

It should be a pretty simple question. Stan just wants to know if there any cute girls that have caught his eye. He's a teenage boy, the fact that he has a girlfriend should not have interfered with his ability to notice fit girls. Their names should roll off his tongue just like any other conversation. But the funny thing is, Louis can't think of a single fit girl to talk about, contestant or crew or otherwise. Stan asks him that, and he draws a complete blank.

Except that's not true, really. His mind isn’t blank. It's just that the only person he can think of is Harry.

He only realizes that he's slammed the laptop shut and ended the call when Niall walks in a few minutes later, quirks an eyebrow at Louis, and asks if he can have his turn with the laptop now. Louis hands it over wordlessly, and wonders at what point he went completely and absolutely off the deep end.

He really thought that having a call home to his best mate would make him feel a little bit more normal. That was what he wanted, after all, was normal. He wanted for everything to stop feeling so different and so new and so strange and so fucking  _ weird, _ because it was really starting to piss him off. But after the Skype call he just felt worse. Nothing made any sense, not the world around him or his thoughts are his feelings or anything, really. How could something like it getting into a stupid band just flip his entire world upside down like this? It wasn’t bloody  _ fair. _

And worse, everyone kept  _ asking  _ him about it. What did it bloody matter that he was in a bad mood? He still sang just fine. He still went to rehearsals and learned the choreography and put on a damn good show and they kept winning, so why did everyone have to keep asking him if he was  _ okay? _ He ignored the way his bandmates looked a little hurt whenever he snapped at them, because seriously, if they didn't want to deal with an irritated Louis, they shouldn't ask such irritating questions.

And of course nobody thought to try to talk to him about what was  _ actually  _ the matter. The problem was that with every week, more and more people on twitter and tumblr and every other social media site were talking about how he and Harry we're ‘perfect for each other.’ People kept saying that they were in love, that they were  _ soulmates, _ that they were the ‘one true pairing,’ whatever the fuck  _ that  _ meant. It was completely ridiculous, especially since he was absolutely  _ not gay. _

He would know it, if he was. He would know if he was gay, because he’d probably think about boys all the time. He'd have dreams about them, or think about how someday he wanted to marry one to make sure that they would stay together forever, two parts of a whole. If he were gay, he'd want to kiss their plump pink lips, want to lay down beside them and run his hands through their curls, or to leave butterfly kisses on the cheekbones that lay just beneath their pretty green eyes-

It's the middle of the night and everyone but Louis is dead asleep at the exact moment he realizes it. He's lying frozen in his bunk, with Harry curled up by his side and breath tickling his neck, when he realizes that he's completely and absolutely head over heels for this beautiful boy that may or may not be his soulmate.

“Harry,” he says without thinking, just to himself, and the younger boy starts to stir at the sound of his name. Louis reaches out to touch him like he doesn’t have a choice, palm gentle against Harry’s cheek and thumb featherlight as it brushes across the flush atop his cheek.

It doesn’t soothe him back to sleep, though, but rather brings those lovely eyes fluttering open for a brief moment before closing once more. “Louis? What’s the matter?” he mumbles, clearly still most of the way asleep.

“I have to ask you something,” Louis whispered. He isn’t sure where the words come from.

“Mm?”

The room is so quiet Louis can hear the pounding of his heart, wonders if Harry can hear it too where he’s cuddled so close. “What do you do if you love someone?”

“You keep loving them,” Harry answers at once, though he’s most of the way gone. “You never stop.”

“And what if- what if you don’t know how?”

Harry shifts a little, tangles their legs together a little more securely, and settles with a sigh. “You figure it out together. Cause you’re in love so nothing is alone.”

“Yeah? I just say it, then?”

“Go to sleep, Lou, you sound like you’re crazy,” Harry whispers, and with another exhale he’s back asleep, heavy and languid in Louis’ arms.

Louis makes himself inhale and exhale, getting used to the weight of this knowledge and the strange lightness it gives him, until he’s drifting back into sleep almost as quickly as Harry. “I  _ am _ crazy,” he finally gets around to answering. “For you. Truly, madly, deeply, completely, absolutely, crazy for you.”

Harry continues dreaming. Louis starts for perhaps the first time in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Over halfway done with the oneshot recs now! Wooo, I'm on fire. Tune in next time for my very first attempt at omegaverse (sunglasses emoji)
> 
> canonlarry | tumblr


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